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Relationships, Boundaries, and the Traps of Spirituality

Updated: Feb 8, 2022

As I have become more and more immersed in the ‘spiritual community’ (a term which certainly leaves much to be desired), I have become keenly aware of just how many people in said community are profoundly unhappy with their relationship status. I must admit that this awareness, for a time, caused me to flounder in a place of deep disillusionment with the entire idea of awakening. If waking up is such a desirable process, then why do I know so many more “non-spiritual” people in happy, loving, stable relationships than I do “spiritual” people?

Does coming into awareness necessitate loneliness? Is it part and parcel of the healing process to be afflicted by an inexplicable malaise of the romantic heart? Aren’t we supposed to be finding better and more fulfilling partnerships as we improve ourselves?

I think much of the answer to this dilemma lies in the vastly misunderstood ideas of boundaries and “being healed”.

Before we get into it, I want to be clear, I am speaking to the REFORMED codependents, or the people who tend to push others away. If you are an actively practicing codependent, this may not be the article for you, yet. (Although you may still find value in the three boundary types below.)

For many pe